When: Annual July event.
2013 Date: Saturday 13 July 2013 starting at 11.30am.
See the official website to confirm details.
Where: Bedford Square Gardens,London WC1
Nearest Tube Stations:
- Tottenham Court Road
- Goodge Street
Tickets: £20. Buy online.
What Is It?
You can expect to see competitors of all ages, abilities, and persuasions. Athleticism or sportswear is not required, as the prizes – gold, silver and bronze cravats – are awarded purely for panache, savoir-faire, and amusing head-wear. Hundreds of spectators watch the games whilst sipping G&Ts.
An Olympic Pipe is lit for the Opening Ceremony and passed around the contestants to the rousing tune of the National Anthem played by a brass band. The athletes flex their pipe-smoking jaws and their cocktail-shaking wrist muscles in a languid parade around the field, and then the pipe is placed on the Olympic Pipe rack and the games commence.
The Chap Olympiad Event List
- The Three-Trousered Limbo
Pairs of contestants sharing enormous trousers must wriggle under a steadily lowered pole while 1930s calypso music is played on a gramophone player. The trousers must remain at a discreet level with points deducted for underwear revelation.
- Moustache Wrestling
Chaps approach a row of ladies and are given two minutes to behave like utter cads. The winner is the bounder who receives the loudest slap accompanied by the wryest smile.
- Quill Throwing
- Hop, Skip and G&T
Contestants must leap into a sandpit holding a brimming gin and tonic. The remaining liquid in the glass is measured and points deducted for spillages.
- Martini Knockout Relay
- Cucumber Sandwich Discus
A plate of cucumber sandwiches is hurled across the field, with extra points if the sandwich remains edible.
- Umbrella Jousting
- Shouting at Foreigners
Contestants must procure gentlemanly essentials, such as kippers or a trouser press, from a shopkeeper with no command of English and few manners.
At the end of the games the winners are awarded their prizes: bowler hats and cucumber medals, and set off on a victory sashay (running would be too uncouth) around the Square.